ACORN weeks done before moving day
5 of 5
You’ll finish all five, 3 weeks to spare.
A free 5-week welcome to country life
Be the neighbour the locals are glad to have.
Feel at home in the countryside, sooner. Real country people answer your questions, even the daft ones.
Get my free Welcome
- Free.
- No card.
- One click to leave.
Your questions answered by farmersbuilderstree surgeonskeepers
01What it feels like now
I don’t want to be the townie who upsets the neighbours and gets it all wrong.
The problem isn’t you. Nobody has shown you.
You’ve picked up a bit from the news, a bit from a friend with a cousin on a farm, and a lot from guessing. That’s no way to start somewhere new.
Country life has its own manners and its own reasons. Both make sense once someone explains them properly.
All three worries are fixable, and none of them needs you to be anyone different.
- I see things on the news about hunting and farming, and I don’t know what’s true.
- I love the idea of country life, but I don’t know where to start.
- Nobody shows what the work really involves.
02Why you can ask me
Field note no. 1
The Bumpkin, in brief
- Grew up
- In the countryside
- Family
- Farmers and builders, and keen followers of country pursuits
- Studied
- Arboriculture, and has worked with trees
- Started
- After the countryside marches in London, at the time of the hunting ban
- Reviews
- None yet. Brand new.
I grew up in it. I’d like you to get it right.
I grew up in the countryside. My family are farmers and builders, and keen followers of country pursuits. I studied arboriculture and have worked with trees. Country life isn't something I read about. It's how I was brought up.
Ask the Bumpkin started after the countryside marches in London, at the time of the hunting ban. I saw how little most people understood about country life. So I decided to put the questions to the people who live it, and let them answer plainly.
I’ll be straight with you: Ask the Bumpkin is brand new, so there are no reviews yet. I’d rather tell you that than make something up. What I can promise is honest answers, and a plain “I don’t know” when I don’t.
03The method
The ACORN Method™
From your first daft question to putting down real roots in the countryside.
Week 1
Ask
Bring every question you’ve got, even the daft ones. No sneering, ever.
Week 2
Countryfolk
Meet the real people who live and work the land: farmers, builders, tree surgeons and keepers.
Week 3
Observe
See what the work really involves, through every season, with nothing staged.
Week 4
Respect
Understand why things are done the way they are, beyond the headlines.
Week 5
Neighbour
Put it into practice and become the newcomer the locals are glad to have.
Read it from the middle outwards. You start with a question. You end up a neighbour.
04Your plan
Your first months, mapped out
Three honest answers, three sliders. The plan underneath moves with you.
Live Q&A calls by your third month there
4
Bring about 3 questions to each and you could clear your list.
Hours a year learning from people who live it
13
At 15 minutes a week.
Move in 8 weeks, and you’ll have all five ACORN weeks done with 3 to spare, 4 live calls to bring your 10 questions to, and about 13 hours this year learning from people who live it.
Start my five weeks
Worked out from your answers and how the ACORN Welcome runs (one email a week for five weeks, one live call a month). It’s a plan, not a promise.
05What you get
Everything in the ACORN Welcome
Here is what lands in your inbox, and what each part would be worth if I charged for it. I don’t, so you needn’t.
The monthly live call has 30 places a month, so there’s time for everyone’s questions. Subscribers get the invitation first.
Join the ACORN Welcome freeField ledgerIf it were charged for
The Townie’s Guide to Country Life£7
Sent first. Plain English on how country life works, so you stop guessing.
The 5-week ACORN email series£25
One short email a week, each with a YouTube interview. It takes you from “where do I start?” to feeling settled.
Monthly live “Ask the Bumpkin” Q&A call£180 a year
Online, one hour, recording sent to everyone. Your own questions answered by someone who grew up in it. (£15 a month.)
BonusThe First-Week Country Manners Checklist£5
One page: gates, dogs near livestock, passing horses on the lane, farm traffic and mud on the road, the noisy seasons like harvest.
BonusBoth Sides, Plainly Put£7
Hunting, shooting, farming and the environment, rights of way, explained honestly by people who live with them, including where people disagree. You make up your own mind.
BonusThe Daft Questions Library£15
A growing page of short answers to every question from the calls and email replies.
Total value, first year£239
Your price£0
06The promise
It’s free, and it stays free.
- You can unsubscribe with one click, any time.
- Your email is never sold or shared.
- And we’ll always be honest: if we don’t know an answer, we’ll say so and find someone who does.
07Who it’s for
Come in if you’re curious. Stay if you’re respectful.
This is for you if
- You’ve recently moved from a town or city to the countryside.
- You’re planning a move and want to get it right from the start.
- You’re curious and respectful, and you want the truth from people who live it.
This isn’t for you if
- You want a one-sided campaign for or against hunting or farming.
- You’ve decided the countryside should change to suit you.
- You need professional advice on planning, boundaries or land disputes. That needs a solicitor or land agent.
- You want house-hunting help.
08Questions
Questions you might be asking
If yours isn’t here, ask it anyway. That’s rather the point.
Is this just pro-hunting propaganda?
No. My family do follow country pursuits, and I’m open about that. But Ask the Bumpkin talks to people in every country role, says plainly where people disagree, and leaves you to make up your own mind.
It’s not for people like me. Won’t they look down on townies?
No. No question is too daft here, and nobody gets sneered at. Ask the Bumpkin exists because newcomers deserve proper answers, not eye-rolls.
Can’t I just find this free on Google?
You can find information, yes. What’s harder to find is real people who live it, answering your own question, in a sensible order. And this is free too.
I haven’t got time for long interviews. Is that a problem?
No. It’s one short email a week, each with a short clip. The full interviews are there if you want them, but you don’t have to watch them.
Why is it free? What’s the catch?
Ask the Bumpkin is new and wants to help as many people as possible. Later there’ll be a handbook and country days out that you can choose to buy. You’ll never be pushed.
Do I need to have moved already?
No. It’s just as useful if you’re still planning your move.
Does this cover my part of the country?
Most of it applies across the British countryside. Where things are done differently from place to place, we’ll say so.
Can I ask a question without joining the call?
Yes. Reply to any email. Your question may be answered in the Daft Questions Library.
From subscribers
Your first testimonials go here
Real words from real subscribers, added after the first five weeks.
Your first daft question is welcome here.
Five weeks, one short email a week, and a place at the monthly call. All of it free.
Get my free Welcome
- Free.
- No card.
- One click to leave.